To my darling, beautiful children
There are times when you play up or give me attitude because you don’t like what I have asked you to do. There are times you scream and look at me with such hate in your eyes because you don’t like the answer I have given you. There are times when I wander what you think of me and how you see me through your eyes. There are things you don’t know about me, that I sometimes wish you did.
You see I wasn’t always your Mum. I haven’t spent my entire life looking after you and just being Mum. I had a life before all of that. I was once Katie instead of ‘Lois’s Mum’. I used to be a kid just like you. I threw strops and thought life was unfair just like you do. I screamed and cried and at times hated my Mum just like you do. I did all the naughty things the 3 of you do and know all the tricks you try to play, because I’ve already done them myself.
But now the shoe is on the other foot and I am the Mum. And there are some things I want you to know. I watch you sleeping at night, every single night. I creep into your bedrooms as quiet as a mouse and check you are warm enough, you haven’t kicked off your covers and I listen to you breathing. I marvel at how much you have grown and how perfect you are. And I kiss you goodnight gently on your cheeks.
I worry constantly about whether or not I am good enough to be your Mum. Am I doing enough, do I give you enough of my time, do you feel loved, happy, secure? I dread you growing up and not always being there to keep you safe as you make your own way in the world. I wonder what your life will be like. What career path will you follow? Where will you choose to live? Will you choose to travel? What will make you happy? Who will make you happy? I have high hopes for all 3 of you and want you to follow your dreams but the thought of you growing up worries me sick.
The most important thing for you to know about me though is that I love each one of you unconditionally, with every bone in my body, and that will never change.
So dream big little ones and do whatever makes you happy. I will always be your biggest fan and supporter
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